Cinna’s Easy Plays from Shakespeare 7

HENRY IV

SCENE 1

(An inn. PISTOL and GADSHILL enter, carrying BARDOLPH. All are rather drunk. They lay BARDOLPH on the table.)

All: Francis, Francis, we want Francis. Francis, Francis, we want Francis.

Francis (runs on) : Just a moment, sir.

Pistol: Francis! Do you want us to die of thirst ?

Gadshill: Sack! Sack ! Sack!

(FRANCIS pours out drinks.)

Pistol: That's better. now. Pour a drink for Falstaff .

Francis: But Sir John Falstaff isn't here.

Gadshill: He'll come. He'll come if he hears you pouring a drink.

All: Falstaff, Falstaff, we want Falstaff. Falstaff, Falstaff we want Falstaff.

Falstaff (off) : Sack ! Sack! Quick, bring me a drink. Where is this oasis ? I shall die in this desert. My hump is vanishing.

All: Here he comes ! Falstaff, Falstaff.

( They shout and whistle. FALSTAFF enters, and sits on a chair. FRANCIS puts a mug by him, and is about to fill it from a jug. FALSTAFF takes the jug from him, and drinks from it.)

Falstaff: Why is Bardolph lying on the table? Is he also dying of thirst?

Pistol: No, no, it was his wife.

Falstaff: His wife ! Which wife?

Francis: It was Doll Tearsheet, Your Honour.

Pistol: Nonsense, it was a young lady.

Falstaff: What did she do ?

Pistol: Well, first, Bardolph . . . (PISTOL whispers) Then she... (he whispers) Then he... (he whispers)

Falstaff: No! No! What then?

Gadshill: She took a bottle and hit him on the head.

Falstaff: You mean, she did this ? Good girl. Bardolph, Bardolph, wake up, you devil.

(FALSTAFF takes the jug of wine and pours it over the head of BARDOLPH.)

Bardolph: Stop, stop. You are killing me.

Falstaff: I hear little Miss Doll nearly killed you.

Bardolph: Lies, lies, nothing but lies. We just had a friendly discussion.

(BARDOLPH takes the jug and starts to drink.)

Falstaff: No, no, don't waste good sack. Can't you see I am half dead with exhaustion ?

(FALSTAFF takes the jug and drinks.)

Falstaff: All day long I have been looking for our young Prince Hal. Where is he ? Has he been here ?

Francis: Not yet, Your Honour. He said he would be here at eleven.

Falstaff: And what time is it now ?

( The clock strikes eleven. FRANCIS counts on his fingers. )

Francis: It is eleven.

Falstaff: Then he must be coming. Hal, my Prince, my heart, where are you ?

Hal (enters with POINS) : Here.

(All stand and bow. FALSTAFF takes HAL's hand and kisses it.)

Falstaff: Great Prince, all day I have not seen you. My heart is broken.

Hal: Your belly seems to be in good condition.

Falstaff: Enough ! Can a monarch degrade himself with coarse jokes ? Tell us, Hal, where have you been ?

Hal: Oh, I have been with my father.

Falstaff (sarcastically) : Your father ! And how is our beloved King of England ?

(All laugh.)

Hal: He is sick and dying, as usual. For years we have been fighting wars against the Welsh or the Scotch, and every time things go badly for England, my dear father's health gets bad, too.

Falstaff: You think he will die ?

Hal: Oh, I don't know. My father is a selfish old fool. Let him live if he wants to.

Falstaff: But think ! When the Gracious Majesty of England goes to a better place... (FALSTAFF points upwards) . . . think not of sorrow. Think of the happy side of life.

Hal: How will my father's death be happy?

Falstaff: Think, sweet prince, think. When your father King Henry the Fourth is dead. . . you will become King Henry the Fifth.

Hal: True. And you will become the Lord Chief Justice of England, you old thief.

Falstaff: Me?

Hal: Certainly. You shall command the laws of England.

Falstaff: Is that a promise?

Hal (smiling) : Certainly.

Falstaff: Thank you, Hal. I shall not forget that promise.

Hal: Be patient. I am not yet King.

Falstaff: How can I be patient?

Poins: Let me suggest something. While Falstaff is waiting to become a judge, he needs experience of the law. So, tell us, Sir John Falstaff, tell us, Lord Chief Justice Falstaff, tell us . . . where will you study law tonight ?

Falstaff: Study? Study!

Poins: Where will you rob and steal tonight ?

Hal: Again?

Falstaff: Again ! Have I ever stolen a penny ?

(All laugh.)

Falstaff: Liars.

Poins: Come, Jack, tell us. Where will you go tonight?

Bardolph: He need go nowhere. A villain : may grow rich tonight here.

Hal: Here ?

Bardolph: I have heard a secret. Some rich travellers will come down this hill at midnight. They are merchants on their way to London. We can ambush them. Cut their throats. And steal their gold.

Falstaff: Bravo ! Rich merchants. How I hate them ! How I love them! But how many are there ?

Bardolph: Only four.

Falstaff: Four? One, two, three, four, five, six. There are six of us. Six against four. We may be murdered.

Hal: Oh ! Are you a coward, then ?

Falstaff: Me a coward ? Nonsense. I'll do the deed myself. You idlers can stay in bed. Brave Jack Falstaff shall do the deed alone.

Bardolph: No, we shall all come, and we shall disguise.

Falstaff: I need no disguise.

Hal: Yes, let us all disguise.

Bardolph: It is getting late. Let us prepare.

Falstaff: I'll get my sword, but only a coward needs a disguise.

(Exit all but HAL and POINS.)

Hal: Let them all go. I cannot. Last month we took those horses, and the sheriff told my father. If I am caught again, he will send me to fight against Scotland.

Poins: You are too young to fight.

Hal: My father says I am too old to steal horses.

Poins: Sweet Lord, smile. I have another plan. A plan for a double crime.

Hal: A double crime ! My father will send me to France.

Poins: Aha! But this is a crime of justice.

Hal: A crime of justice ? I don't understand.

Poins: Listen. The six of us will leave here to meet the travellers. You and I will separate from the others. Falstaff, Bardolph, Gadshill and Pistol will steal the gold. Then you and I, in disguise, will attack them, and steal the gold a second time.

Hal (laughs) : That's clever, Poins, that's quite clever.

Poins: And if the sheriff does catch you... how easy for you . . . you witnessed a theft and you attacked the criminals.

Hal: Yes ! Yes, that is excellent. Let's do it. Whatever happens, my father cannot punish me.

Poins: Whatever happens, we shall have a night of entertainment at the expense of Falstaff. Hal: Yes, let us follow your plan.

Poins: We shall start out with them, pretend to help, hide, wait for the theft, attack the thieves, then escape.

Hal: Then we can return here and wait for the thieves.

Poins: Falstaff's story afterwards will be worth waiting for.

Hal: His lies are usually as big as his belly.

Poins: Come, my Lord, let us go and prepare.

(Exit. )

SCENE 2

( The stage is dark. The clock strikes midnight. Two men enter, carrying lanterns and baggage.)

1st Traveller: I am tired.

2nd Traveller: I cannot walk another step.

1st Traveller: Let us sleep here until sunrise.

2nd Traveller: No, it is not safe. We have all this gold.

1st Traveller: Well, then, let's just have a little rest.

(They sit, and eat. HAL and the others enter. They tip-toe about whispering and knocking into each other. The two groups do not see each other yet.)

Hal: Quiet, you fat fool, quiet. Lie down on the ground and tell me if you hear the sound of horses.

Falstaff (puts his ear to the ground) : I hear nothing. : Now I can't get up. Help me, you rogues, help me. Fetch a lever. (Several help FALSTAFF to rise.)

Poins: Quick, quick. I see their horses.

Falstaff: How many are there ?

Poins: Twenty or thirty at least.

Falstaff: We shall be murdered.

Pistol: Put on your disguises.

(Each puts a mask over his face.)

Bardolph:Good. Are we ready for the attack ? :

Poins: Sssh ! Not so loud. You four heroeshide behind these trees. When they come down the hill, jump out and surprise them. Prince Hal and I will ambush them on the other side, and catch any who escape.

Falstaff: Are you deserting ?

Hal: There are four of you.

Poins: And only two of us. Do you want more, Lord Coward ?

Falstaff: Okay. Let's hide.

Hal: Action stations.

(HAL and POINS move one way! FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, PISTOL and GADSHILL move towards the travellers.)

1st Traveller: Come along, friend. We must be moving.

2nd Traveller: I can't. I'm too tired.

1st Traveller: We must move along, or we will never reach London.

(The TRAVELLERS start to move. The thieves attack them, steal the gold, tie the TRAVELLERS up. FALSTAFF keeps out of danger, shouting fiercely.)

Falstaff: Your money or your lives ! Strike! Down with them! Cut their throats ! Fleece them ! Villains, knaves, thieves, murderers ! They hate us.

(BARDOLPH opens the sack of gold.)

Falstaff: Look, gold. We shall never need to steal again.

Pistol: Where are Prince Hal and Poins ?

Falstaff: The cowards ! They ran away and left the danger to me.

Gadshill: And to us.

Falstaff: Yes, you helped, too.

(The four men kneel on the ground looking at the gold. HAL and POINS enter, disguised. They attack the four, who, immediately run away, abandoning the gold. HAL releases the travellers, who also run away. POINS takes the gold.)

Poins: Falstaff runs so fast he will lose half his weight.

Hal: I can hardly move for laughing.

Poins: Come, my Lord. Let us put the gold on our horses, and hurry back to the inn.

(Exit.)

SCENE 3

(The inn. FRANCIS enters, mopping the floor. HAL runs in, and throws his cloak at FRANCIS.)

Hal: Poins, Poins !

Poins (enters) : My Lord.

Hal: Ah, there you are. I thought Falstaff had murdered you.

Points: I wonder where the poor wretch is.

Hal: He'll be here as soon as he can. But while we are waiting, let us have a drink. Francis !

Francis: Just a moment, sir.

Poins: Francis, bring a bottle of sack and some glasses, on the double.

Francis: Yes, sir. Just a moment, please.

(FRANCIS goes out.)

Hal: Now, there is a strange young fellow.

Poins: Oh, he is just a simple country boy.

Hal: I wonder if he can speak English.

Poins: Speak English ! He never stops, "Just a moment, sir. Just a moment."

Hal: Yes, I know, but have you ever heard him say anything else ?

Poins: I suppose not. That is about all he ever says.

Hal: All right, then, let's test his English. You go and sit over there. Keep shouting, "Francis". Don't stop.

Poins: And what will you do, my Lord ?

Hal: I will do the same here.

Poins: Ah, yes, I see. He will probably go crazy. (POINS walks to far side of stage.) Francis !

Francis (entering) : Just a moment, sir.

Hal (on other side of stage) : Francis !

Francis(entering) : Just a moment, sir.

Hal (on other side of stage) : Francis !

Francis: Just a moment, sir.

Hal: I'm not sure what to order. Sir John Falstaff will come soon, and he always likes sack.

Poins: Francis ! Francis !

Francis (to POINS) : Just a moment, sir. (to HAL) Your pardon, my Lord, someone seems to be getting angry.

(FRANCIS runs over to POINS.)

Hal: Francis ? Where are you?

(FRANCIS hesitates, then runs back to HAL.)

Hal: Ah, there you are. I thought you had vanished. Now listen carefully. We shall want sack, and some roast chickens. Six perhaps.

Poins: Francis, Francis, Francis !

Francis: Just a moment, sir.

Hal: Some of that sack we had last time was not properly heated. Tonight, you must be more careful. Do you understand ?

Poins: Francis !

Hal: You had better prepare it immediately.

Poins: Francis !

Francis (to POINS) : Just a moment, sir.

Hal: "Just a moment"? What ever do you mean, Francis ? I said prepare it immediately. Now, jump to it.

Francis: Yes, my Lord.

Poins: Francis !

Hal: What's wrong with you tonight, Francis ? Can't you hear some one calling you ? Don't just stand there. Go and see what he wants.

(FRANCIS stands between HAL and POINS, looking from one to the other in great confusion.)

( The LANDLORD enters, very angry.)

Landlord: What! You stand there idle ! Go and fetch these gentlemen some sack at once, you lazy rascal. (to HAL) Pardon me, my Lord. He is new here and a bit simple in the head, I fear.

Hal: Poor fellow.

Landlord: Sir John Falstaff and three more are at the door. Do you wish me to admit them ?

Hal: Falstaff? Why, yes, certainly, I am always glad to meet him. Let them in.

(Exit LANDLORD.)

Hal: Poins !

Poins: Just a moment, sir.

(Both laugh.)

Hal: The landlord tells me that some thieves have arrived to see us. I hope you are ready to welcome them.

SCENE 4

( The inn. HAL and POINS are sitting. Enter FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, GADSHILL and PISTOL. They are tired, dirty and angry.)

Hal: Welcome, my boy, welcome. And where have you been, pray ?

Falstaff: Cowards. Both you and Poins.

Poins: Cowards ? Whatever do you mean ?

Falstaff: The pair of you are a couple of cowards, and I shall never talk with either of you again.

Poins: Poor fellow!

Falstaff: Sack! Sack ! First you leave me to be murdered, and now you let me die of thirst. Did ever man have such false friends ?

(FRANCIS hurries in with a cup. FALSTAFF drinks.)

Falstaff: Cowards. Traitors.

Hal: Now, now, you great balloon. What are you muttering ?

Falstaff: A king's son, are you ? If I fail to murder you before you become King of England, I shall never drink again. Where were you ? I am asking a simple question. I hope you can give me a simple answer. Can you speak English ? Do you understand me ? Am I speak-ing slow-ly e-nough ? Coward. And that Poins.

Poins: Don't call me a coward, you great whale.

Falstaff: No, no, no, I shall not call you a coward ! Of course ! But I would pay a thousand pounds if I could run as fast as you. You have fine legs. You care not who sees your back. You call this backing your friend ? Give me friends who will face me. Give me friends with courage. Give a me a drink. (FALSTAFF drinks.) I am a rogue if I ever drank today.

Hal: Then you are a rogue indeed. Your lips are still wet from the last drink.

Falstaff: I say you are cowards.

Poins: Poor fellow. Shall we fetch a doctor ?

Falstaff: Very well. Let me explain.

Poins: Silence, everybody! My Lord Falstaff will explain to us in sim-ple Eng-lish.

Falstaff: Since midnight, the four of us have taken a thousand pounds in gold.

Hal: A thousand pounds ! Show it to us,

Jack. Where is it?

Falstaff: Peace, fool. No sooner had we taken it, than it was taken from us. A hundred men attacked us four.

Poins: A hundred men attacked you !

Falstaff: I am a liar if I did not fight single-handed against twelve of them for nearly an hour. It is a miracle that I am alive to tell the story. Look! I am stabbed three times through my shirt, eight times through my pants. My shield is smashed, and my sword hacked so it looks like a saw. See for your-selves. In sixty years I have not fought so well.

Hal: Pistol, you tell us what happened.

Pistol: Well, my Lord, we four attacked twelve of the travellers.

Falstaff: Sixteen, at least.

Bardolph: And tied them with ropes.

Gadshill: We hung them from trees.

Pistol: No, no, we did not hang them from trees.

Falstaff: Lies, lies. We hung them all from trees. If that is not the truth, then I am a lying Jew.

Pistol: We were taking their gold, when seven new men attacked us from the rear.

Falstaff: And cut down the others from the trees, to help.

Hal: What! Did you then fight with all of them ?

Falstaff: All ? I don't know what you call "all", but if I did not fight with fifty men, then I am a liar. If there were not fifty-three or fifty-four rascals attacking poor old Jack, then I am no English gentleman.

Hal: I pray God you have not murdered some of them .

Falstaff: Too late, too late, I certainly killed two. Most of the cowards ran from me, but I undoubtedly killed two. If I do not speak the truth, call me liar. Call me worm. Spit in my face. Why, Hal, you have seen me in the wars against Scotland. You know how I fight. (FALSTAFF demonstrates.) Look. Here stood I. And thus I held my sword. Suddenly from the rear, four rogues in buckram let drive at me.

Hal: Four ? Just now you said two.

Falstaff: Four, Hal, I said four.

Poins (sarcastically) : That's right, he said four.

Falstaff: Now these four men dressed in green, came at my back and thrust at me. But I was ready for them. I spun round, and took their seven swords on my shield, thus.

Hal: Seven! Just now you said four.

Falstaff: Seven in green.

Hal: Yes, in green.

Falstaff: Right.

Hal (to POINS) : Don't say anything. There will be more soon.

Falstaff: Are you listening, Hal ?

Hal: Yes, indeed, and I can see most of you, too .

Falstaff: Now, these nine were surprised at my fierceness . . . .

Hal (to POINS) : Nine ! You see ?

Falstaff: . . . and began to retreat. I followed them, foot and hand, foot and hand. In a moment, I had wounded six of the eleven.

Hal: Oh, monstrous. Eleven men grown out of two.

Falstaff: But, two cowardly rascals crept round behind me again, and attacked where I could l not see. For, Hal, it was so dark you could not see your hand in front of you.

Hal: These lies are like their father : huge as a mountain, and visible for miles. Why, tell me this, you claybrained baboon, you wooden-headed rascal, you obscene puddle of butter ....

Falstaff: Are you mad ? Is not the truth, the truth ?

Hal: Tell me this, Jack. It was so dark you could not see your hand in front of you. So how could you see the men were dressed in green ?

Poins(takes Falstaff's sword and touches him with it) : Come, Jack, explain.

Falstaff: Under threats ? Upon compulsion ? Never, not a word, silence.

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Hal: Well, well, rest a while, and when you have exhausted yourself with vulgar comparisons, listen to me.

Poins: If you can, close your mouth and open your ears.

Hal: Poins and I saw you four attack the two travellers. You tied them with ropes and took their gold. After that, Poins and I, in disguise, attacked you. Poins and I stole the gold from you. Yes. Don't speak. We have it here in the inn and can show it to you. Indeed we shall see it. And after that, we shall call the sheriff and tell him the truth. You, friend Falstaff, ran as fast as any deer. You shouted and yelled for mercy. Did you think we were cannibals about to eat you ? But now we see holes in your clothes and blood on your face. You speak of fights. You speak of wounds. Explain, explain. What clever story can you father now ?

Poins: We are listening, Jack. Our ears are open.

Falstaff: My, Lord, I knew it was you. I saw through your disguise. I recognised both of you. But what could I do? Could Falstaff kill the future king of England ? I did not wish to hurt your pride, so what could I do ? I pretended to be a coward. I pretended to let you defeat me. It was to have been my secret, but you have forced me to speak the truth. (All laugh.) Ha, ha. But I am glad you have the money. Francis, lock the doors. Let us forget about tomorrow. Tonight we make merry. Brave friends, lads, boys, hearts of gold, I give you all the names of good fellowship. What shall we do ? Shall we sing? Shall we dance? Shall we have a play ?

All: A play, a play.

Hal: Yes, a play. And the story shall be the story of the lion Falstaff eating eleven rascals dressed in green.

Falstaff: Enough. Enough.

SCENE 5

( The scene as before. FRANCIS runs on.)

Francis: My Lord, my Lord.

Hal: Yes, Francis, what is it ?

Francis: My Lord, a nobleman from the court is here; he asks to see you.

Hal: What does the man want?

Francis: He says the King Your Gracious Father is sick.

Falstaff: The King My Gracious Father is always sick.

Francis: My Lord, he wants you to go to court at once.

Hal: Oh, impossible. Can't you see we are busy ?

Falstaff: My Lord, let me speak to this puppy.

Hal: Tell the man some yarn. Really! I never have a minute to myself.

Falstaff: If he comes from your father, I will send him back to your mother.

(Exit FALSTAFF. )

Hal: Now, Bardalph, you fought like a stone lion. Why are your clothes torn? Did instinct make you all cowards, too ?

Bardolph: My prince, I ran when I saw Falstaff run.

Pistol: I ran when I saw Bardolph run.

Gasdhill: And I ran when . . . I forget.

Hal: Yet you battled as fiercely as a paper dragon, Gadshill. Where did the blood come from, eh ?

Gadshill: We killed a chicken and- splashed ourselves with blood.

Poins: Chicken !

Hal: And the holes in your clothes?

Pistol: We did it ourselves, outside the inn.

Hal: You pathetic little men.

Pistol: I know. Even Bardolph blushed.

Falstaff (enters) : Impossible ! Bardolph is always red. He cannot blush.

Hal: What did. the nobleman want?

Falstaff: I didn't listen to him, but when I spoke he recognized authority and went back.

Hal: Brave chap. Now tell me one more thing ; would you recognize your own foot if you saw it ?

Falstaff (peering down at his belly) : My foot ? I have never heard of such a thing.

Poins: We heard them last night well enough when you ran away.

Falstaff: Enough. Have I no friends left in this wicked world ? My Lord, the great ambassador whom I sent back to court....

Hal: Yes?

Falstaff: . . . seemed rather serious. Your father窶ｦ.

Hal: Oh, my father. I'll go and see him tomorrow.

Falstaff: Then I think you will be horribly scolded when you arrive.

Hal: I am accustomed to that.

Falstaff: None the less, let Lord Chief Justice Falstaff practice a few answers for you. Let jolly Jack Falstaff teach you how to orate.

Poins: We asked for a play.

Falstaff: This shall be a play.

Hal: Okay then; you pretend to be my father, and examine me on my misspent youth.

Falstaff: Shall I then ? Very well. This chair shall be my throne. This sword my sceptre. And this cushion my imperial crown. ( They put the chair on the table. FALSTAFF climbs on to the table and sits on the chair. He puts the cushion on his head, and holds the sword pointing upwards.) And now, unless there is no goodness left in you, I will stir your emotions a little. I look to see you weep.

Hal (kneels) : Let's begin. Here is my knee.

Falstaff: And here is my speech. (He now speaks in a burlesque of the king.) Stand aside, nobility.

Francis: Oh, my goodness, this is excellent sport.

Falstaff: Weep not, sweet queen, for trickling , tears are vain.

(All laugh.)

Francis: The king! He is just like the king.

Falstaff: Peace, good beer mug ; peace, good feather brain. Harry, I am surprised at the places you like to visit. I am more surprised at the people you like to meet there. Youth is lost if we waste it. Your behaviour astounds me. Can my son act like a rogue ? Are you indeed my son? Your mother says you are, I know. And on your face I see a certain foolish expression common to some members of the family. So I must call you "son". But if you are my son, why does every one laugh at you ? Why do they laugh at the future king of England ? Why does' Prince Hal keep company with thieves and murderers ? Why does he stay away from court? Ancient writers tell us there is a thing called mud. This mud, if touched, will make us dirty. Your friends are making you dirty, Hal. (All laugh.) , Don't laugh ! I speak now not in drink, but in sorrow; not in pleasure, but in passion; not with words only, but with pain, also. But yet I see hope. Among all your vile companions I have often noted one virtuous man. His name I forget.

Hal: What kind of man is he, Your Majesty ?

Falstaff: Oh, a fine, full-bodied man, with a cheerful face, a handsome figure, a noble carriage. His age must be, let me. see, about 40 . . . . (All laugh.) . . .well perhaps nearer to 60. Yes, now I remember. His name is Falstaff. (All cheer.) Falstaff! If that man has evil in him, he deceives me. I see virtue in his looks. Keep him as your friend. Banish the rest, but keep to Falstaff. '- Now, tell me, you bad little boy, where have you been all this month ? Your mother and I have been looking for you.

Hal: Bravo, bravo. You are perfect as the father. Now show us how you are as the son.. Step down, and I shall become king.

Falstaff: Depose me, eh ? If you ever do it half so majestically, in word or manner, then poor Jack is doomed. ( They change places.)

Hal: Here I am.

Falstaff: And here stand I. Judge me, my masters.

Hal: Now Harry, where do you come from?

Falstaff: From Eastcheap, Gracious Majesty.

Hal: The reports I hear from Eastcheap are bad.

Falstaff: Bad?

Hal: Terrible.

Falstaff: Terrible ?

Hal: Scandalous. I hear that travellers are robbed.

Falstaff: By me, great King ?

Hal: By you, and a pack of villains whom you call friends.

Falstaff: I laugh at such nonsense.

Hal: You laugh at your father, unworthy boy ? Rather hang your head in shame. A devil haunts you. A demon is at your side. His shape is the shape of a fat old man. A ton of blubber is your company. Why do you make friends with that swelling corpse, that museum of disease, that antique vanity, that history of crime ? What is he good for, but to eat and drink ? What work can he do but carry food into his mouth ? Where is he cunning, except in craft ? Where is he crafty except in villainy ? Where is he villainous except in all things ? Where is he worthy but in nothing ?

Falstaff: Mighty Monarch, I would you might take me with you through this great philippic. Whom means Your Grace ?

Hal: That abominable misleader of youth, that white bearded Satan, I mean Falstaff.

Falstaff: Ah, Falstaff! I seem to know the name.

Hal: I know you know.

Falstaff: Yes, I may say that I know Falstaff. If he is old, the more the pity. His white hairs are witness to his dignity. But to call him a robber . . . that I utterly deny. If drinking is a crime, then God help the thirsty. If eating is a sin, then the devil may love the hungry. If to be fat is to be hated, then snakes are to be loved. Dread Emperor, learn to love the lovable. Banish Pistol, banish Bardolph, banish Poins . . . but lovable ,Jack Falstaff, sweet Jack Falstaff, good Jack Falstaff, brave Jack Falstaff, old Jack Falstaff. . . do not banish him. If you banish happy Jack Falstaff, you must banish all the world ! (All shout and laugh.)

Hal (very quietly) : I do,, I will.

(Silence,)

SCENE 6

( The scene as before.)

Sheriff(offstage) : Open in the name of the King.

(A loud knocking, offstage. FRANCIS runs on.)

Francis: Oh, my Lord, the sheriff and an army of men are outside.

Sheriff(off) : Falstaff, Falstaff.

Francis: They say they are looking for a thief.

Falstaff: Away, fool. We are in the middle of our play.

Hal: The sheriff?

Francis: Yes, my Lord.

Hal: Show him in. (Exit FRANCIS.) And you, Falstaff, had better disappear. Hide behind that curtain.

Falstaff: So, I am banished, eh ?

(FALSTAFF hides. SHERIFF enters.)

Hal: Now, master Sheriff, what do you want with me ?

Sheriff: First, pardon me, my Lord, I did not know you were here.

Hal: Why have you come ?

Sheriff: Some travellers have been robbed. The victims describe a great fat man like Sir John Falstaff, and we believe he may be here.

Hal: Sir John Falstaff? Yes, I know the man. And as you say, it is true that he was here. However, I sent him on an errand. When do you wish to see him ?

Sheriff: As soon as possible, my Lord.

(A servant of the SHERIFF walks about the stage, searching. He finds Falstaff sleeping. The SHERIFF sees FALSTAFF, but HAL does not. )

Hal: I will send him to you tomorrow.

Sheriff: Thank you, my Lord. I shall return to court. May I also say that the King Your Gracious Father has been urgently sending messengers to find you ? He is not well.

Hal: Then tell my father I shall come to court in the morning.

Sheriff: My Lord, it is already morning.

Hal: Then I will follow you.

Sheriff: Thank you, my Lord, good night.

Hal: Good morning.

(Exit SHERIFF.)

Hal: The sheriff thinks Falstaff has robbed some one. I can't believe it. I can't believe he has enough courage.

(POINS points to FALSTAFF.)

Hal: Sleeping ! When he wakes, send him to court. Good-bye, old friend.

(Clock strikes six.)

SCENE 7

(The stage is empty. Servants bring in a coat rack, about 2 meters high. Three men enter: KING HENRY, supported by WARWICK and, CLARENCE. The KING is old and sick, so moves with great difficulty. He wears a crown and a beautiful cloak. They are removed, and he lies down. The cloak is hung on the rack.)

King: Put the crown by my pillow. (WARWICK does so.) And now let me sleep. Leave me alone.

(The KING closes his eyes. CLARENCE takes the KING's pulse. He looks at WARWICK and shakes his head. HAL hurries in noisily.)

Hal: Clarence ! Clarence !

Clarenceand Warwick : Sh ! ! !

Hal: Where is the Duke of Clarence ?

Clarence: I am here, brother, but be quiet.

Hal: The sheriff said our father asked for me.

Clarence: He is here.

Hal (seeing KING for the first time) : Is he asleep ?

Warwick: He is dying, my Lord.

Hal (in surprise) : Dying !

Warwick: He must sleep. Let us go into the next room.

Hal: You go. I will sit here with him for a while. (Exit WARWICK and CLARENCE.) Yes, he is sleeping. But why is the crown against his cheek ? It must be very. uncomfortable. (HAL picks up the crown and looks at it.) Oh, Majesty. Oh, armour painted on a king. Do you protect from blows, or do you attract them ? Men who cannot wear you, want to wear you: but men who do wear you... are they happy ? Has this crown made you happy, father? Are you asleep ? He seems to be dead. I must tell Warwick. We must fetch a doctor. (Exit HAL, carrying crown. He makes some noise, which awakens the KING.)

King: Warwick. Clarence. Warwick ! Clarence !

( They enter.)

Clarence: His Majesty awakes.

King: Why do you make so much noise ?

Warwick: We were not here, my Lord.

King: Somebody woke me.

Clarence: We left Prince Hal here.

King: Hal? Did he come? Then, where has he gone ?

Warwick: We did not see him go.

King: And where is the crown ?

Warwich: We left it by your pillow.

King: So, Hal has stolen the crown !

Clarence: Let me go to find him, my Lord.

King: Yes! Hurry! (Exit CLARENCE. He returns in a moment with HAL, holding the crown.)

King: So ! You are kind enough to visit your father !

Hal: I am sorry.

King: Leave us.

(Exit WARWICK and CLARENCE.)

Hal: Warwick said you were dying. I went to find a doctor. I thought you might be dead.

King (weak but angry) : Your wish was father to that thought. I stay too long for you ! You steal the unripe fruit. Are you too greedy to wait a few more minutes, until it falls ready into your hand ? (KING takes the crown from HAL.) Oh, foolish boy. You seek the greatness that can destroy you. You steal the flower, but forget its poisoned scent. Perhaps you despise your father, but can you not wait one hour for his death? No? Then go! ( The KING pushes HAL feebly, who trips and falls on floor. The KING sits up.) Hurry ! Hurry ! Dig my grave. And while my funeral bell rings merrily in your ear, pull on my crown. All your life has shown your contempt for me, and before I die you wish to teach me your scorn. I gave you life. You may now give me to the worms. England ! See you next king. This country is yours to destroy, Hal. Change my laws. Banish my officers. Mock at dignity. Henry the Fifth is King ! Up, vanity. Down, royal state. All you wise counsellors, goodbye. Go and live in other countries. And do other countries have apes of idleness ? England will take them in exchange. England will welcome them. France, and you neighbouring countries, listen. Do you have criminals,, villains, drunkards ? Send them to England. England will welcome them. England will promote them. England will give them the highest honours. Open your jails ! Send us your lowest creatures. They will become English lords. "Have you a ruffian that will swear, drink, dance, revel the night, rob, murder and commit the oldest sins the newest kinds of ways ?" Be happy. He will trouble you no more. England will give him office, honour, might. Henry the Fifth is king. He takes the muzzle from the savage dog. The weak and innocent will be destroyed. Oh, my poor kingdom. With all my strength I could not stop riots and civil war. When I am dead, men will kill each other. Not men, but wolves will inhabit the island. A new ice age will creep over our graves." ( The KING collapses. HAL kneels by him.)

Hal: Pardon my liege, pardon. A11 you say is true. I have scorned you. I have avoided the court. I have lived among rogues. Before you die, let me die for you. Take my evils to your grave. First pardon me, and then let me live, not as Hal, but as another Henry.

King (surprised and pleased) : My dear son. God has put such words into your mouth. God has changed you. Perhaps God did indeed make you take the crown.

Hal: I don't understand.

King: God punishes me for my crimes.

Hal (surprised) : For your crimes ?

King: I am dying. Listen to my last words. ' God alone knows the crooked road I climbed to reach this mountain peak. (He points to the crown.) The road was dirty, and I made it worse. All the weaknesses I see in you, I saw first in myself. My accusations against you窶ｦ :

Hal: . . . were true . . .

King: . . . of me.

Hal: Of you ?

King: Yes, of me. King Richard was born to the crown. I stole it from him by murder.

Hal: Was King Richard murdered ?

King: Yes. My ambition drove me on. And since I became King, the crown has been a torture to me. Since I became King, this country has had no peace ! Nothing but fighting, fighting, fighting. As a loving father, I should give this to any man but you.

Hal: Then give it to me.

King: It may destroy you.

Hal: Prince Hal is already destroyed. Take him to his grave.

King: You wish to be King?

Hal: I do.

King: Then take this device of treachery, and make it a sign of honour. God give you the strength to wear it on your head. Its weight has crushed many men before. I die, Hal. Pardon me for this debt I bequeath to you.

( The KING dies.)

SCENE 8

(As before. WARWICK, CLARENCE and servants enter. They cover the face of the KING, and put the crown on his chest. They raise the body. One hand is bare, and HAL kisses this. They carry the body off stage, feet first. HAL does not move. WARWICK and CLARENCE return. CLARENCE holds the crown. WARWICK takes the cloak off the rack, and puts it on HAL. He takes the crown from CLARENCE, and puts it on HAL's head. HAL stands. WARWICK kisses his hand. CLARENCE does the same. Others form a line to do so, too. FALSTAFF enters.)

Falstaff (in a loud, happy voice) : What ! Is the old King dead ?

Pistol: As dead as a nail.

Falstaff: To London ! To London ! Hurry, hurry, hurry. The King is waiting for Falstaff. Lord Chief Justice Falstaff advances to his King. Choose what office you wish. The laws of England are mine. Seize any man's horse, Lord Pistol. We must not keep our King waiting.

(FALSTAFF joins the line waiting to kiss HAL's hand. As he reaches HAL he attempts to take HAL's hand.)

Falstaff: God save thy Grace, King Hal, my Royal Hal, God save thee, sweet boy, my king, my Jove, I speak to thee, my heart.

Hal (withdrawing his hand from Falstaff) : I know thee not, old man. Fall to thy prayers. How ill white hairs become a fool and jester. I have long dreamed of such a kind of man, so surfeit-swelled, so old, and so profane. But being awaked, I do despise my dream. Make less thy body hence and more thy grace. Leave gormandising, and know the grave doth gape for thee thrice wider than for other men. (FALSTAFF tries to laugh.)

Reply not to me with a fool-born jest,

Presume not I am the thing I was,

For God does know, so shall the world perceive

That I have turned away my former self,

So will I those that kept me company.

I banish thee, on pain of death

Falstaff: You banish me ?

Hal: I will. I do.

(FALSTAFF drops his head. HAL walks away. Others leave stage. At edge of stage, HAL turns, and holds his hand out slightly to FALSTAFF. FALSTAFF does not see it. HAL pulls himself together and walks off. FALSTAFF walks off the other way.)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

HENRY IV

PLACE : England

TIME : 15th Century

ACTORS: 10 boys, no girls

PEOPLE IN THE PLAY

KING HENRY IV of England ; old and dying

PRINCE HAL, his son; young and foolish

FALSTAFF, a fat old man, friend of HAL

PISTOL, friend of FALSTAFF

BARDOLPH, friend of FALSTAFF

GADSHILL, friend of FALSTAFF

POINS, a young friend of HAL

FRANCIS, a comic, young waiter

LANDLORD of the inn

2 TRAVELLERS

WARWICK, counsellor to the KING

CLARENCE, younger brother of HAL

SHERIFF

various servants